Writer—Jai Bakshi
Physicist/ Writer
My lust for you is infinite. As I let out a sigh into the abyss of my own subconscious, I realize that my power is a mirage. All the glistening lies hovering over me can never blind me as much as the dull truth underneath. I can finally admit that I am weaker than you.
I only let my belief in your inferiority ferment because a part of me knew that I was always under your control. You gave me strength when even my frail existence seemed like too much of a burden. The only truth that should echo in perpetuity is that I need you more than you need me.
The mind is a beautiful series of computations. Our consciousness is, theoretically, just a summation of learned responses to an extensive list of stimuli. The more calculated responses an intelligent system is capable of, the more it emulates the process of reasoning and thought. Yet, we find ourselves as far from rational.
We are both victims and beneficiaries of higher consciousness. I find this superposition most compelling. In my arrogance, I perceive my own pain as more existential than anyone else’s. I placate this pain by any means necessary, even if I have to use you. My need for you is pathetic yet justified.
Unfortunately, no amount of rationalization can alter reality. When I have you, the only path I make for myself is a self-destructive one. I shouldn’t need you to speak my mind. I shouldn’t need you to be a truer version of myself. I shouldn’t have given you a position in my life that can, at times, defy any reasonable hierarchy.
You are the only poison that I proudly treat as an elixir. You are nothing more than a contaminant to my existence. You are the only disease I suffer from. You have disgusted me to my core, but the next time I look at you, I know my lust for you will be infinite.
Also read “In this awakening, the world began to heal” at https://journals-times.com/2025/01/09/heart-to-heart/
Leave a Reply